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Families upset over new grave site restrictions at Hugo cemetery Save Email Print
Posted: 6:32 PM May 12, 2008
Last Updated: 6:32 PM May 12, 2008
Reporter: Stephanie Brletic
Email Address: stephanie.brletic@kxii.com

A | A | A

HUGO, OK -- There are no rules on how to grieve. The process is different for everyone. But for some, visiting and even placing items on a grave can offer some comfort. There are new limitations on such actions at one Hugo cemetery. Stephanie Brletic reports.

Recent changes at the mount olive cemetery in Hugo have some family members angry because they have to abide by new grave decoration policies. Now, all flowers must be in vases or saddles on the headstone, not the ground.

Family members say they did not have enough notice to clear off their belongings before those things were cleared away.

Many say the Mount Olive Cemetery was a beautiful place to visit, but say now it's comparatively bare because of changes that took effect on May 1.

Family members like Amanda Coffelt aren't happy. She says her family should get to choose how to memorialize her brother.

"I felt like I was robbed. Those were our memories. You know, these were the things that we did to remember our loved one, my brother," Coffelt says.

Now, no one can place anything in or on the ground. Everything must go on the gravestone, all flowers must be in vases, and there are even limitations to when flags can be placed at veteran's graves.

But beyond that, families say they didn't get enough notice about the changes.

Christina Sherrod says she went to the cemetery the day after finding out about the new policy only to find herself looking through piles to retrieve her items.

"I called my supervisor the next morning to let her know I’d be late for work. I come out here and it was gone. It was like my husband had just passed away all over again," Sherrod says.

Still, Hugo city manager David Rowles says he also has family buried there and says the cemetery is very important to him and the community, so he wants everyone to realize that the new policies are not malicious. They are simply meant to improve the ability of groundskeepers to keep the area maintained.

"It’s just something we're trying to work through. It's a change, most changes don't hit everyone the same and people react to them differently and we're certainly willing to work through this change so that we can make everybody as comfortable as possible with the cemetery," Rowles says.

The city manager says there is always resistance to change but says it was necessary to keep the cemetery neat and give the property room to grow.

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Posted by: Dana Location: Lexington, SC on May 16, 2008 at 10:43 PM
I have a brother and a nephew buried in Mt. Olivet. I live over 1000 miles away from Hugo, so there is no possible way I could have seen the notice regarding the removal of items from graves. A cheap postcard or quick phone call would have sufficed. Instead, I have upset friends and family calling to tell me about this injustice. I’m all for keeping the cemetery clean, but this is ridiculous. How hard is it to pick up loose items while weed eating? BEFORE mowing so there are no “projectiles” being tossed about. The brother of my nephew who is buried in Baby Land is mentally handicapped. How are we going to explain to him that the little mementos he placed on his brother’s grave are now gone? How can we explain to him that he can no longer place ANYTHING on his brother’s grave? My family and I have SEVERAL plots at Mt. Olivet, why weren’t we informed of the new policy? I live in SC but have insisted on being buried in my beloved Oklahoma. After all of this, I am questioning my choice.

Posted by: TB Location: Antlers/Hugo on May 15, 2008 at 01:32 PM
Recently (2 months ago) I lost my cousin, very tragic, my aunts only child. She visits the Cemetery every day to grieve. How do think she felt to go to the Cemetary and find bear ground, like many others she was again devestated. Obviously NO Hugo City Officials have lost a child/spouse/parent like some of these have. Try losing your only child, you tell me how you will greive at a bear Cemetary plot.....

Posted by: Cristina Sherrod Location: Hugo on May 15, 2008 at 12:50 PM
My husband will be gone from my life 4 months tomorrow. I will go to his grave to have moments to grieve, but to ask me not to leave anything on his grave because he does not have a headstone is wrong. My heart breaks everyday at the thought of him not being with me! Now that I am not allowed to place flowers or anything from our lives tomorrow,I can not put into words what I feel. May be it is because I have had only a few months to face the fact that my husband is not coming back to me.I know that their are NO words that will change the minds of the people that made these new rules;because if they cared or were concerned about the family's that were left behind they would have found a better way to inform the public of their plan. I hope now they have the time to fill in the dirt around the headstones that have been washed away! Trim the hedges that are sticking out in the road which make it hard to see other cars and kill the ants,plant grass on the graves that have been bare.

Posted by: Kevin on May 15, 2008 at 08:48 AM
When "things are left at Cemetery they become issues at the cemetery. The figurines, tiny cars or toys left at the grave become projectiles when they fall over and become lost in the grass and a large mower hits them. Baskets of flowers left on the grass become dead spots a week later, something else to complain about later. The family that visits and maintains thing that are left at the grave are a welcome sight at any cemetery. The family that puts things down at Christmas and expects to pick it up in May are the norm. Unfurtunity the tons of flowers, baskets and momentos left at cemeteries are a growing problem. Having uniform decorations may seem harse, but what are those vases on the monuments for anyway. We all want to remember our loved one as we see fit but when does the cemetery get a chance to do it's job by cleaning up areas that have a lot of dead flowers on it. The lazy workers can not stop at every grave and move things then put them back after they have mowed that area.

Posted by: Susanne Location: Powderly on May 15, 2008 at 08:07 AM
jc at Madill. The dog has been thrown behind the office at the cemetary with everyone else's personal belonings. People of Hugo need to take back their community and tell them elected officials to back off these are our loved ones. I will continue to place flowers on my graves and I will also be contacting Senator Jeff Rabon about this situation and he will be outraged at what has been done to this community.

Posted by: jc Location: madill on May 14, 2008 at 01:09 PM
i know this is not the best place to post this but i was curious if anyone knew what happened to that dog those 3 boys broke out of the pound i love animals so much and have been curious about that since they posted the story on here so if anyone knows could u please let me know thank you very much

Posted by: got family there Location: antlers on May 14, 2008 at 01:02 PM
if they want to improve any thing there it sould be the streets in the cemetery the graves was just fine but guess that would take work to do that. thats why the things got moved off of graves so they can set on their butts. BTW My father an grandfather also an uncle fought for this country now we can't put flags on there graves to rescept them

Posted by: DEE Location: HUGO on May 14, 2008 at 08:37 AM
I think it is a shame for the cemetery personnel and the city to only care about what is easier for them and not the citizen's feelings. One only has to travel down any street in this town and realize that there are other priorities like fixing potholes in the streets. Or better yet; go down to our so-called "city park" (Ansley Park) and see how it is "maintained". What a joke. The city and the council need to get in touch with reality and work for the citizens of this town, not against them.

Posted by: sheilah Location: Hugo on May 14, 2008 at 06:29 AM
This is absolutely terrible! If you people are so concerned about appearance then why don't you go and clean up Ansley's Park! I took my 5 yr old son there to play and it is ridiculous how high the grass is and the condition of the playground equipment! Focus on this and leave the beautiful cemetery alone!

Posted by: Sandra Location: Hugo on May 14, 2008 at 12:13 AM
My daughter has taken great pride in decorating her paw paw's grave! She really was close to him and now she is only allowed to pick laddle wreaths. My goodness she is only 10 and the board took the one little thing away that helps to keep his memory alive. No one even notified us of the change in policy! I dont take the paper every day! I had to read about it in the letter to the editior! I explained it to her. Which left me with a child crying! The day we went to get the things behind the office just made her cry more! We still haven't gotten everything back! Her question was "Why". What do you tell a 10 year old. The saddest part was looking at the things that were removed from baby land! As I look out my window from my classroom in the elementry I no longer see the beautiful cememtary. Only men on lawn mowers who are to lazy and fat to bend down and move something if the wind just happened to catch. And for information, we weed eated around our own area!

Posted by: Anonymous Location: antlers on May 13, 2008 at 09:47 PM
EXCUSE ME but I am willing to bet that anyone upset about the change is willing to care for their own plot Those with fresh flowers and other objects are probably visited frequently wouldnt you think! I for one do. Old flowers are removed and replaced with new ones. I clean off leaves in the fall, kill ants in the summer and remove any grass that was missed near the headstone or our decorations so no I am not sitting on my duff and complaining. If the change is for maintainance then why is dirt washed away from headstones and the stones at our veterans feet coming up out of the ground. Maybe someone should just do the job that the city already pays them to do. Most families would be more than willing to help or follow rules had they been involved or made aware of the decision making. And may you never have to dig through rubble to find your dead childs belongings. because someone threw it in a trash pile so they wouldnt have to mow around it!!!

Posted by: Terri Location: Ardmore on May 13, 2008 at 04:28 PM
Buying a cemetery plot only gives you the right to bury someone there and place a marker as allowed by the rules set up. I am willing to bet notice was properly published. Do you read the legals of your newspaper? Was it discussed and voted on at a Council Meeting? Would you be willing to volunteer to clean up a cluttered cemetery? Would you be willing to pay to clean up a cluttered cemetery? With costs going up, especially gas, time is becoming a more precious commodity, especially for communities whose citizens seem to think they can do anything they want regardless of how it affects others. Honor your loved ones with respect for the rules and appreciation for the living who protect and care for their resting place. If you don't like what they are doing or changing there is a proper and polite way to go about voicing your opinion and requesting a change if you are willing put your time money and energy to work instead of sitting on your duff at home just complaining.

Posted by: Anonymous on May 13, 2008 at 03:32 PM
I know of several cemetarys that have this rule.

Posted by: anonymous Location: Antlers on May 13, 2008 at 02:31 PM
The whole reason behind the cemetary being disturbed is because of Tom Pence and his son. Mr. Pence is over the cemetary board and his son is a worker who started the complaining because he is lazy. Tom Pence and David Rowles think they own the town and can tell everyone what to do. I say not any more. We have our Constitutional Rights.

Posted by: jessica on May 13, 2008 at 02:12 PM
We don't have any freedom in our country anymore. Because of people like this. Families want to go to their loved ones grave and put some things on it then that should be right. That is their right. If people don't want to look at what other people put on their families graves then don't look. As long as it's not Rated R or something like that no one should have a problem with it. That's a crock that we can't put flags out on our families graves except at certain times. Are you people ashamed of being an American? They weren't ashamed when they fought for our freedom and lives. Why should we disrespect them. That's why people like this should be voted out of their positions. Get a life people and let these families mourn their families the way they want to.

Posted by: Anonymous on May 13, 2008 at 02:08 PM
I also enjoy seeing others' graves and momentoes left. And I will ALWAYS fly a flag on Mom & Dad's grave and no one better tell me differently! I own that little piece of land. And I would be happy to mow and upkeep it. But there's no water where Mom & Dad are buried. If I could afford it, I'd pay to have water run out there. I think these caretakers are just lazy. They have a job and it's one that affects alot of people. The workers should have more respect!

Posted by: melissa Location: ardmore on May 13, 2008 at 01:01 PM
Kevin I understand what you are talking about but how is an angel figurine or a flag a distraction?????????? Like i asked at the beginning where is our freedom because this is one good way in this world that it shows that we don't have any!

Posted by: Kevin on May 13, 2008 at 11:00 AM
The cemetery was only trying to make the cemetery a more uniform looking space. The purchaser of a lot generally purchases the burial rights in that area not a 6'x10' space. The cemetery still owns the land. This is a common misconception among people that have lots in the cemetery. It's my graves I can do what I want. I agree notification should have been adequate so families could remove there belonings. The manager has to look at the big picture when you have some people setting up shrines to their loved ones and then next to them might be someone who wants to visit there family without the distraction that has been left behind.

Posted by: Anonymous on May 13, 2008 at 10:31 AM
I dont mind reminders n wot not on graves, but several empty cornona bottles is just trash in my opinion.

Posted by: Amanda Location: Sherman on May 13, 2008 at 10:19 AM
My mother begged my brother and I to please make sure she was buried in Mt. Olivet Cemetary because it was so gorgeous there and because that is where her family is buried. She's been buried there less than two years and now her grave looks so bare. I don't think its fair that people grieving their loved ones aren't allowed to leave memorials on their graves just because the groundskeepers are too lazy to have to make sure that a cross here or some flowers there that got tusseled by the wind gets picked back up. The plots there are very expensive and it would seem like because they received so much money for each plot they could at least let us, the family members of missed loved ones, be allowed to keep a few things out. Maybe they could put a restriction as to how many we are allowed to keep there. That would make more sense than just chunking everyone's things in big piles behind the office. Its hurtful to see your mother's "pretties" tossed aside so carelessly.

Posted by: SherryRosson Location: Hugo on May 13, 2008 at 09:15 AM
I have lived in Hugo all my life and Mt.Olive grave site has always been a main attract for vistors. And a very nice place to walk around and I have always enjoy seeing the new things people put on a loved ones grave that was something speacial they did to show their love for the one that was lost. I don't understand what has happen to Hugo but its not going to change intill we take a stand. They are worried about this and there is nothing here for or children or teens to do. They won't let good jobs to come in, our skating rink got turned into a business for the circus which they bought the building, but no one thought about what they where taken away from our children. I take my kids to Paris just so they can have something to do. Thats what David Rawls needs to worry about instead of change a place that has been one of the nice place to visit in Hugo and I can remember from the time I was five people talking about how nice place it is to visit.

Posted by: Redneck Woman Location: Sherman on May 13, 2008 at 09:13 AM
These families should have been notified in advance so they could collect the belongings. I understand they want the cemetary to look neat... but this is ridicuous. Part of the beauty of a cemetary is the individuality of the graves. I don't care if they are easy to mow around! Shame on them. I hate the way the modern cemetaries look, with no character. They're gonna all look like Restland soon.

Posted by: Rebel!! Location: Fighting back will get you somewhere on May 13, 2008 at 08:18 AM
These people paid for that plot where their loved ones lay, so therefore they should be able to place anything they want on that grave site. And HOW DARE THEY remove those things off the graves!! Its not your stuff so DONT TOUCH IT!! If I had a loved one out there and this happened to me I would still put up things on their grave and mow and weed eat around it myself so that they wouldnt have to mess with it! BTW? Who is the caretaker of this place because obviously they have no sence of freedom and honor! Or have the respect to honor those who have faught and died protecting our rights and our freedom! And to all of you who do have family out there, you keep putting flags, flowers, whatever out there no matter what they say, you paid for that plot, so you should be able to place whatever you want on it.

Posted by: Susanne Fugett Location: Powderly, TX on May 13, 2008 at 08:09 AM
My husband and I have many family members buried at that cemetary and had no way to know that our loved ones graves were being desacrated. We have a deed to the plot so we should not be told what to do on our land. There have been no complaints about upkeep until this year from the workers, why now?

Posted by: Anonymous Location: Texas on May 13, 2008 at 08:03 AM
If you want alot of items on your loved ones grave site, you should be willing to pay extra for having to move it for the employees who mow at that site.

Posted by: joyce Location: okla on May 12, 2008 at 11:08 PM
i feel like like the people should have been notified before any thing was removed from a loves grave. in my opinion this is destruction to private property

Posted by: m Location: ardmore on May 12, 2008 at 10:00 PM
Now I understand having rules and wanting the cemetary to look neat but families should have had a heads up that this was going in effect. If you had a family member there than I think you would feel the same way. The whole flag thing I do not agree with. They faught for our countries freedom and now that they have passed on family members and friends can't even show their respect and their gratitude toward them. Than I would like to know where is our FREEDOM?

Posted by: Michelle Lawson Location: Durant on May 12, 2008 at 08:27 PM
They are full of crap if they think they could force me when to fly a flag at my lovedones graves.

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